Thursday, March 17, 2011
I know some of you were ahead of me in reading last month, so you had already reached the part of this book that was really difficult to read. I had to push my way through this to continue reading sometimes. How would you feel if you discovered many things you were taught as a child simply weren't true?
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I can't image having to come to terms with the avalanche of emotions Martha encountered while at the same time coming to the realization that the religion in which you have been rooted is not a solid foundation
It is hard to know how I would have felt. I probably would have felt confused and ashamed and perhaps somehow responsible for what was happening. What a nightmare. Her father started sexually abusing her at around the age of four with his "Abrahamic ritual" during the night. And the fact that he was such a highly respected figure in his religious community made it even more difficult for her to understand over the years. I can see why she supressed the memory of it. At first I thought her story might be too wild to be believed but reading on I believed her completely.
Her "out-of-body" experience during surgery in which she felt enveloped by God's love and grace was very interesting. She felt God was actually enveloping her. Her search for faith totally centered on recapturing this feeling.
It's hard to believe the church covered up so many of the "problems" and as a professor herself, she must have been disheartened to see that her father had falsified so much of his research. But I guess we see similar acts in other churches, wishing to sweep problems under a rug, hoping they'll go away.
Her first spiritual encounters are when she was pregnant with Adam. The book's called, "Expecting Adam," and she really lives trying to recreate her spirital feelings from the pregnancy.
I do enjoy her writing style. At times it is like reading a psychological thriller. She and her father are intellectual equals so it is interesting to follow her questioning of her father in the hotel room
I don't know if we all have read the part where Brigham Young University expunged all references to the feminist movement in this country from their library and began firing professors who openly disagreed with their view of the place of women in society. Martha's husband, who was also a Mormon, was so turned off by this and by what had happened to Martha that he left the Mormon faith and encouraged Martha to do so also. She however was not ready to leave at first. She always wanted her father to admit to her what he had done to her and somehow reconcile with him. She was a very conflicted individual.
I haven't finished the book, but I was surprised that she was able to go back ever to Brigham Young to teach. I can't believe they allowed her to, or that she wanted to. I think it was shocking to her that they removed any outside information about any bad PR about the church from the library. I guess the Internet would stop some of that now.
What is amazing about the Mormons is that they are so supportive and helpful of each other and are such caring people considering that their religion has such a questionable basis and their church is so controlling of their lives. We have relatives who have been visiting Utah for a month each year and they find the Mormons very friendly, helpful and well mannered. They have never had an unpleasant experience.
Kim mentioned that she enjoyed Martha Beck's writing style. I do also. She is very witty.erudite and sure of herself.
As I read this book, I continue to be amazed by what I am learning - realizing I never really knew my Mormon friends. On more than a few occasions it has been a little unsettling.
I have found what Connie said to be true. The Mormons are very helpful, but I think when you don't question things that makes life easier. In the chapter "Anger," Martha says she felt like the cow cartoon that said, "I suppose if I'm really honest with myself, I'm not totally fine with being slaughtered." She realizes that to continue to live the lies and lie about what happened is killing her soul.
I don't think that Martha would be the stable person she is without the support of her husband and her happy-go-lucky cousins. She came to see reality while most of those around her denied it, even though they knew the truth.
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